I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
