You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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