So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
