I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
