RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
