FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
