oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
