just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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