...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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