I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
