the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
