i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
