I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
