Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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