the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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