Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
