Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What a dumb baby whore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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