Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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