my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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