I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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