Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.