Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a beard to bite.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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