I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.