I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
