Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.