She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
