dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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