i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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