So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
