as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
