woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
