Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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