Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
