woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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