Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
