OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
