No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
