Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
