I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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