I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
