my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
