So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You left your phone here
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