Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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