hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
