Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
