i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
