I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
