I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
