The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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