Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A bitchslap is in order.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
