If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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