Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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