Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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