i just snorted my name. best moment ever
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...