Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
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Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks