I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children