I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?