Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
