Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
