I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
