What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
