the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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