we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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