tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize