she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
