Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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