She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
