Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
