Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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