Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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