You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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