Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
