Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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