I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
